if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
