I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
