The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize