I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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