watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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