i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
