Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
