He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
