She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize