So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
