Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
