My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
