but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
