If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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