If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
