WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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