I got chris browned last night
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
