This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
honey bunches of taint.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
