u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
