life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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