doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
