I wish I could punch you in the face.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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