If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
