i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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