Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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