planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
