My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
