If i come over, it means nothing
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
