It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
