if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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