...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My dick has a subreddit
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
