kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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