why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
