We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
