when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
