isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
