I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
