Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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