one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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