Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
