I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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