I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
