I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
