You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
A bitchslap is in order.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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