Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
