If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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