it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
