I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
