and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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