Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
