I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There are leaves in my underwear?
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