I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
