New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
