party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
