Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
