running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
