He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
