Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
pray to the hookup gods
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
