Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
