So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
