Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
