i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
