i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
