That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
