I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my poor anus
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
