I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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