I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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