Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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