i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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