I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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