wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize