so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
