I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
