I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
