I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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